


Nights Like This

by eli99alien



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 13:51:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15753009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eli99alien/pseuds/eli99alien
Summary: human au"It feels odd to be the one awake at 3AM while his partner, practically the embodiment of anxiety itself, rests peacefully beneath the covers beside him."





	Nights Like This

It’s always difficult for him to identify what is causing the cinder block of pain weighing down his heart. Sometimes, he can just ignore it and go about his day until his friends and his lover unknowingly cheer him up enough for the feeling to dissipate. But in the middle of the night, it’s hard to get that reassurance. In the middle of the night, he can’t simply go about his day as if nothing is wrong. All he can do is sit and  _think_ , which, admittedly, has never been his forte.

Roman sits quietly on his side of their bed, eyes trained on Virgil’s sleeping form beside him. Chest rising and falling with every even breath. Dark circles beneath his eyes significantly reduced. Muscles relieved of their usual tension. Features soft. He looks so at peace like this. Roman’s heart pangs at the sight. 

He awaits a response from the only other person Roman knows of that might be awake at this hour. His phone rests in his hand at a low brightness as to not disturb his lover’s sleep, the conversation with Logan open and waiting. He’s sent several texts already.

_Roman (2:47AM)  
_ _hey u awake?_

_Roman (2:49AM)  
_ _lo i know you suck at this junk but youre the only one i can think of to talk to and i need help with emotions_

_Roman (3:02AM)  
_ _please_

He’s about to give up, to wallow in solitude, when a soft ping emanates from his phone and his heart rate increases. It reminds him to turn his sound off; Virgil is a light sleeper. After quickly checking to make sure his angel is still dreaming, he brings his attention back to his phone.

_Logan (3:12AM)  
_ _Roman, you are correct in assuming that I... “suck at this junk.” Why are you contacting me?_

He chews at his bottom lip, worrying the skin of it more than he should; he knows he might break the skin and have an obvious tell in the morning, but he tries not to think about it.

_Roman (3:13AM)  
_ _youre the only person i thought might be awake rn_

There’s a long, disturbing silence after he sends it. Logan reads it but doesn’t respond for several minutes. Roman’s heart sinks further down in his chest. Of course Logan doesn’t want to deal with his emotional ramblings; Logan is the most collected person Roman knows, aside from when he gets heated or annoyed to his limit. He’s the least emotionally vulnerable person Roman knows. He makes it seem like nothing gets to him.

Roman’s gaze returns to Virgil. His heart aches for a reason that he can’t seem to place. It feels odd to be the one awake at 3AM while his partner,  ~~literally~~  practically the embodiment of anxiety itself, rests peacefully beneath the covers beside him. Again, just as Roman is about to give up, Logan responds.

_Logan (3:20AM)  
_ _Fair enough. Go on, then. What’s bothering you at this hour?_

Roman sighs with relief. But his fingers cant find the motivation to type out his feelings, and he isn’t sure he’d be able to get the point across with text anyway. He rises from the bed, slowly and carefully, eyes on Virgil just in case, and tip-toes out of the room. He closes the door as quietly as he can behind him and pads down the stairs of the small apartment he shares with his love. He sits himself down on the couch and takes a deep breath before hitting the  _call_ button.

It rings a couple times. But Logan picks up, the sounds of quiet shuffling in the background before a soft, “Hello, stranger.” The corner of Roman’s lip lifts at that. He rises from the couch despite having only sat down seconds before, and begins to pace the living room.

“Hi.”

“Mind if I ask why you decided to call?”

“I just thought it’d be better.”

“I see.”

There’s a short silence. All of Logan’s words have been rather quiet so far, and Roman winces, realizing why.

“Is Patton nearby?”

“He is asleep in the next room.”

“Ugh... Duh. I’m sorry, Lo, we can go back to texting if—“

“No,” Logan interrupts him. It takes him by surprise, though it really shouldn’t. Logan has a tendency to interrupt. “No, if you felt the need to speak rather than to type, then this is what we’ll do.”

“Right,” Roman says, though he’s still hesitant. “Okay.”

Another short silence as Roman takes a calming breath and thinks over what he wants to say. How he wants to express what needs to be expressed.

“Lo?”

“Yes?”

“I’m scared.” He sounds like a child, and he knows it, but it’s the truth, and he isn’t going to waste anymore of Logan’s time by dancing around the subject.

“You’re... scared?” There’s a hint of surprise in Logan’s voice. “You? Of what?”

“Virgil.” It comes out like a wheeze, and he drops into a crouch, one hand in his hair. He can immediately sense Logan’s tension on the other line.

“What do you mean?” Before Roman can answer, Logan draws in a small gasp and says in an even quieter tone, “Is he hurting you?” 

“No!” Roman grimaces, shaking his head to himself. He feels terrible for even saying anything that could imply that. Virgil would never hurt him, and vise versa. “No, absolutely not.” Logan seems to relax, and voices a small humming sound that Roman takes as an ‘Elaborate.’ So he does. “It’s... I don’t know. I’m  _scared._  Not of him, really but of... of how I feel, I guess. Most of the time I’m fine, but there are times, nights like this, where I just freeze, and I panic, and my mind is reeling and I’m so unsure of everything. It’s  _awful_ , Lo, it’s so awful, I feel awful for being so scared. But I can’t help it. I love him. And most of the time it’s wonderful, and I love loving him and being loved by him. But other times it’s  _terrifying_.” He takes a deep breath, hands shaking, as he finishes his rant. Logan goes silent. probably thinking, and Roman doesn’t notice he’s crying until he rubs his face and his fingers come back wet.

Logan sighs on the other end and it hits Roman like a brick. At first he thinks Logan is judging him, for being so erratic and confusing for no reason. But then, “Roman, you have had your fair share of heartache, have you not? This is not the first time you’ve come to me in emotional crisis.” Roman sniffles and nods, though he knows Logan can’t see it. “It’s not uncommon for someone who has been hurt as many times as you to feel this way while in a loving relationship.”

That makes him feel a little better. Just a little. “Really?”

“Of course. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love Virgil, or that you don’t appreciate your partnership with him. It simply means your heart is on defense, you might say. But you’re a theater man so sports references may not be the way to go.” Another soft sigh, and then he continues. “Your heart... has stage fright. You’re ready to go on stage, you know your lines and you’ve got the entire play memorized down to the gestures. But let’s say that in the past, you’ve messed up. You’ve forgotten a line or two, you’ve stumbled over your words, perhaps forgot to even go on stage for one of your scenes.”

Roman grimaces. “This analogy is a little close to home, Lo.”

“Let me finish.” So he does. “Due to your past mistakes, you might find yourself nervous to perform, especially when you think back and dwell on those mistakes, even if they weren’t entirely your fault. Despite your memorization and skill, you still feel  _afraid_  to go on stage. You’re afraid something might go wrong.”

The more Logan speaks, the more it makes sense. He thinks for a long time, his teeth returning to abuse his bottom lip, taking slow and deep breaths in attempts to calm his emotions a bit. “That makes sense. So... There’s nothing wrong with me, right? It’s not... Ridiculous, for me to be scared like this?”

“Of course not,” Logan says, his voice sounding more genuine than Roman may have ever heard it before. “You’re not broken, Roman. Everyone gets stage fright at some point, to some extent. You’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.”

“Thank you, Lo.”

“You’re welcome. I suggest you talk to Virgil about this, at a healthy hour, and perhaps Patton too. Virgil deserves to know how you’re feeling, and Patton may be of more help than I am with this sort of thing.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay, I’ll do that.”

“Get some rest, Roman.”

“Alright. You too, nerd.”

“I will try. Good night.”

Roman bids Logan goodbye before they hang up, and he stares down at his phone afterwards with a small smile on his lips. The tears seem to have stopped falling, but he’s vaguely aware that his cheeks are still wet and his eyes are no doubt red and glossy. He stands to go back upstairs just as he hears footsteps doing the opposite. He freezes, guilt immediately flooding his chest. He must have waken Virgil somehow. 

His lover comes down the stairs in a pair of pajama pants that he totally stole from Roman, and an over-sized sweater that he also stole. Roman huffs a little, the sight bringing upon another smile.

“Good morning, night owl,” Virgil murmurs, making his way over to Roman. He sounds and looks tired, his hair disheveled in an absolutely adorable way, his voice thick with sleep.

“Morning, storm cloud.” When Virgil gets close enough, Roman presses a kiss to his forehead and wraps his arms around his waist. “Did I wake you?”

“I wake you up in the middle of the night all the time, no worries.” Roman hums and rests his chin on the other’s head that’s now buried in his chest. “Why are you up?” Roman purses his lips, not sure if he should answer that quite yet. Logan did say to talk to him, but it’s late/early and it can probably wait until morning when they’re both well rested. But Virgil looks up at him with those worried eyes and asks, “Everything okay?” and he can’t lie to him.

Roman ends up bringing Virgil back up to their bedroom so they can be sitting comfortably while Roman explains everything to him. He expresses the same thing he expressed to Logan, though a bit more composed and better explained now. He tells him about the phone call, about Logan’s analogy. Virgil’s expression is unreadable the entire time, but he listens intently, his hand resting on Roman’s and his thumb rubbing soothing circles into his skin. When Roman finally finishes, he meets Virgil’s eyes cautiously, not sure what to expect.

“Okay,” is what he gets. He tenses a little, shifting in his seat.

“Okay?”

Virgil nods and laces their fingers together. “Okay,” he says again. “That’s... actually sort of relieving.”

Roman’s eyes widen. “Really?” Virgil nods again. “Why?”

He hesitates to answer, a nervous smile on his lips, his gaze everywhere except meeting Roman’s. “Cause I’m sort of the same way.” 

It isn’t particularly surprising, but Roman is still taken aback and has to ask, “Really?” again. 

“Yes, really, you dork. I don’t really talk about it, but I haven’t exactly had a sparkly clean past with healthy relationships that ended on happy notes. I...” He takes a deep breath, clearly preparing himself for what he’s about to say, and Roman gives his hand an encouraging squeeze. “I still get nightmares, sometimes. I get nights like this, up late, afraid. You’re not the only one that’s scared, Roman. I’m scared too. But... This is good. Talking about it. Fear feeds on loneliness, so... If you ever feel like this again, don’t be afraid to bring it up, wake me if you need to. Alright? And I’ll do the same. We could both use a little comfort from time to time.”

Roman is perfectly aware that he’s begun crying again, but there’s a smile on his face and he pulls Virgil in close, his arms tight and secure around his partner. “I love you,” he whispers into the other’s hair, kissing the top of his head. 

Virgil gives him a muffled laugh and drags him down to lie on the bed, exhausting filling his head as soon as it hits the pillow. Their legs tangle together and they hold each other as they both begin to drift. Roman just barely hears “I love you too, you royal pain,” before sleep claims him.


End file.
